You Want Me to Spray What Where?

 We recently had our cats fixed. The timing worked out pretty well to coincide with cold weather arriving. Having kept them in the house for the past ten days has had a few challenges. Mostly these cats are restless. Keeping them from licking at their healing wounds has been interesting, but no moment more so that last night. 

Gremlin was mad at us for a few days and avoided being pet. About a week ago he got back to his normal sweet disposition. It started with a bit of him wanting to sit in my lap and be pet. He normally does this two or three times a day. He normally signals his interest by talking to me in his distinct deep meow. I will grab him up and pet him until he is purring and content. He sticks around until he is done with my attention and then goes off for more kitty adventures. 

I was happy to have our routine resume post his operation. Princess Peach has been more aloof since. Floof is ever the Floof and was at her usual personality in a day or two. I like my cat a great deal and worried that Gremlin might have a personality shift. If anything, he has been a bit sweeter this week. 

I was working to earn points on Switch Sports Online. I want a cast iron skillet tennis racket. Along the way to that goal I have enjoyed unlocking other weird stuff. My avatar is much more fashion forward than I am. He has blue hair. He is rocking 70s era sunglasses that Elton John would approve of. I went pro bowler for the wardrobe. The pants look uncomfortable to me even though they are digital. Particularly when he wears them playing tennis. I fear the digital chafing. 

Ashley got my attention that Gremlin was grooming himself near the area where he was worked on. I looked down, saw he wasn't near stitches, and kept bowling. Cleaning ones self is acceptable. Licking stitches is not. He was fine. Still he kept straying closer. Which was when Ashley horrified me. 

She suggested that we could put apple cider vinegar in that area to prevent him going there. My mental clutch literally ground a gear for a few seconds. I didn't slip into neutral, but it was a near thing. Images played through my mind of applying said apple cider vinegar to his parts. This was met with a wave of revulsion so profound I knew that I not only wasn't going to do this but I wasn't going to allow it to happen. Was it not enough to neuter the poor cat? Now we have to assault him with an ingredient of egg salad?

I said," I didn't know that I needed to never be involved in putting apple cider vinegar on a cat's bits and pieces before this moment. I can tell you, now, that it is vitally important to my sanity that I not be party to that." She fell out laughing. I bowled with greater focus trying to silence my extremely graphic imagination. I did not want to be treated to mental images of dipping the cat's nether regions into a saucer filled with apple cider vinegar. I am sure you didn't either. 

I didn't need to think through that you could put the apple cider vinegar into a spray bottle. This would allow a sneak attack approach. I imagine the horror recalling being sprayed with a powerful blast from a pump action Super Soaker in my misspent youth. How uncomfortable would that be if it was filled with the distinct stink of apple cider vinegar striking you directly on the brown eye, across the grundle, and finally coating big Jim and the twins? God help me. I couldn't help but wonder if it would burn or cause irritation. A strong vinegar can make my eyes water, Could it turn a brown eye blue?

I mean is it adding insult to injury to remove a cat's testicles and then douse the scrotum down with bitter tasting and smelling liquid? I wasn't sure. I couldn't think on it further. Instead, I picked up the cat and petted him. I scratched his chin and ears affectionately hoping that he didn't understand the horror suggested. I found myself pondering his reaction. I decided it was likely to earn us an even more unpleasant return spray likely delivered as we were sleeping. 

I worried more that it might turn my cat perverse. Would I be able to face him if he became obsessed with the smell of apple cider vinegar? Suddenly, I have to make certain that the bottle is always in the cabinet so that he doesn't break it trying to get another spritz. What shame might that bring on the household? Then I worried I was theoretically kink shaming a cat. Would I love him less for his new apple cider vinegar lust? Well, yeah. 

This is what my brain does. Thought someone might get a laugh out of the share.