Didn't Plan This.

 Almost a decade ago now I decided that I did not want to climb the corporate ladder and grind out a career working for 'the man.' I had gone through a fairly serious health scare. I hated my job. I was very insecure in the relationship I was in. I made changes reacting to those factors. It was not the most shining moment of my life. I left a company I loved. I quit exercising regularly. 

I did end up doing something I had always wanted to do. I went to work in a comic book/ gaming store. It was a very cool experience. I made a host of friends though I would lose touch with all of them when I went back into the corporate world. That choice was on me as well. I had always thought that it would be amazing to own a comic book store or a game store. I learned a lot from the people I worked with and the owner's of the store. I learned enough that I know I don't want to own a comic book or game shop unless I have more financial security outside of that industry that I have ever had in my life. It is one of those things I might pursue if I ever hit the lottery. 

Over the years I was at the shop a lot of things changed. My marriage ended. I got into another relationship. We had a kid. That was the moment I started missing having the benefits of working for a big company. My new wife got a job at a place I had tried to get on with several times. She spoke highly of it, but ultimately the job wasn't for her. She also told me the place had a great cafeteria and an amazing buffalo chicken wrap. 

When I finally decided I had to get back into the corporate world, I applied to the company I work for now as much to try the buffalo chicken wrap as for any other reason. I went in the door determined to be a solid grunt. I wanted to work and have minimal responsibility. 

Opportunities presented themselves. I liked what I was doing. I really liked the people I worked with. I still do. I have promoted a few times since walking in the door. My most recent advancement has me training. It is a thing I haven't done officially in quite a while. I have the passion for it, but I haven't pursued that dream in a bit. It is funny to find myself nervous about doing well at the job. 

I think that feeling is good for me though. It is good to be humbled by challenges. The moment you can honestly say you have mastered what you are doing it is probably best to make a change. I know that keeps me interested and engaged. It makes punching the clock or passing the hours more pleasant. 

I still have no clue what I want to be when I grow up. When I decided I wanted to be a writer about twenty years ago I assumed I would have put a lot of effort into mastering my ability to write and have published a series of novels by now. Hazy dreams produce hazy results though. I like telling stories. That is really all my blog is. It is just me sharing stories. 

Obviously, I don't care for the work involved in writing and publishing a book. I have not made a submission in years. I do not grind away at the work of writing. In fact, I have a few vague story ideas in my head and nothing I am actively pursing. I say this with zero embarrassment. It is nice to stop bullshitting yourself. 

At the same time the dream of writing isn't quite dead. It is going through a period of adjustment in my mind. Again, it is good to be humbled by a challenge. In the case of publishing a novel I have begun to question my why. I would love to have my imagination recognized. I wouldn't mind if my writing skill improved. I would love to make a bit of supplemental money off something like that. Who wouldn't? 

I doubt I am in any danger of it, but I have no desire to be in any way famous. I do not even want to be well known. I thoroughly enjoy my quiet and private little life. I find it extremely fulfilling even if it is filled with more naps and less exercise than it should be. When you injure your back to the point you have trouble walking by twisting in a slippery shower to keep your balance you are ill prepared for the public eye. 

So, for now, I am studying up on the day job. I am finding new things to master. I am evaluating myself in a new light. That is pretty fun. I just hope I am up to this challenge and the next. 

I suspect I will be.