Sharing the Path

 This afternoon Teagan and I put together two Lego sets. I say we did it, but in truth she did the majority of the building with me turning the pages of the instructions and occasionally lending a little guidance or applying finger strength. By the time we reached the second set she was past her concentration bandwidth and had begun the more active play portion of the Lego experience. Well, that and she was dancing to the music shuffling on iTunes. Her enjoying the music pleased me in part because it was a song that came out when I was in middle school. There is something strongly validating about your kids finding love for the things you cherish. 

For a while now I have been sold on the idea that to create healthier generations it is imperative that we become the parent that we needed when we were kids. I think the logic of that idea follows pretty close to the Golden Rule. I can see it. I always wanted my parents to be particularly proud of my ability to draw. It was a skill that I took pride in. Because of that I put a lot of energy into supporting and encouraging Teagan's art. I am a bit biased, but she is pretty fantastic for six-years-old. I fully expect her to surpass me no later than her teen years, if she remains interested in drawing. 

Today I realized that I had internalized the idea of being something that you needed in a different way. I have found myself trying harder and getting more outside my comfort zone to be a better friend. I have found myself being more caring and empathetic to people in general and doubling down on that with my coworkers. I have trying much harder to connect and genuinely share in the journey in the people around me. 

I find myself doing this because the more I do the more I have that energy returned to me. I listen to others and I find people actively interested in hearing what I have to say. I show someone support and I am less lonely. I hurt for someone else's pain and my own eases somewhat. I am sure there is a lesson in Karma somewhere in there. I can tell you that my rather trepidatious steps on this path have brought me to the conclusion I have lived a good portion of my life missing out on good things and people.

The idea has grounding in my belief that the universe will keep repeating a lesson with increasing impact until you truly learn it as well. I have caused myself some painful lessons along the way by ignoring obvious indicators that what I was doing was not working. What if it is deeper than that? What if your learning could be deepened and reinforced by exposure to others? What if cosmic mechanics are so finely tuned that you are exposed to exactly the people you need in your life to carry you over the rough places?

I was chatting with an acquaintance the other day when he remarked," God, I am so stupid sometimes." I am famously self deprecating and was momentarily tempted to toss out some 'in your shoes' empathy. I hesitated and decided to try some vulnerability and nurturing even though it felt strange to do so. Instead I complimented his intelligent and talked a little bit about the dangers of casual negative self talk. I expected an awkward response or maybe even a bit of a humorous dodge. Instead, he said," I really do need to stop doing that. Thanks for saying so. It means a lot to me." 

My heart tells me that the summation of my experiences has created the person I am today. It also says that the reason for that may have just as much to do with me being able to be there in the right way for others as it does with me finding my own path. A bit of coincidence reinforced that fact for me.

I was talking to a friend and we were talking about the personal growth we were both working on. Pretty soon we were both laughing because we both chose to focus on gratitude this month without ever having suggested it to the other. I like to think that having shared steps along the path inspire us to pursue some of the same goals. 

Let me indulge with a cute little aside. I have a few books on the power of positive thinking and gratitude. Because I retain a fair amount of the things I read, when I adopt a personal growth focus I am hesitant to retread the boards I have already walked across for fear I won't pick up a new perspective. In my research I stumbled across Everything is Better Than You Think  by Will Johns. 

I am working on my finances Friday. I am reconciling my Amazon transactions when I come across one with the description ' Everything is better than you - Amazon.' For a moment my self esteem had to buoy against negative self talk. It shocked me so much I had to think for a second to realize the word 'think' was missing from the book title. Ironic given the super positive nature of the book. 

The struggle for this new realization that I need to connect to people with more openness, honesty, and vulnerability is intimidating. Growing is always done outside your comfort zone. Right now I am pushing against my complete enjoyment of continued isolation. I suspect that will melt away with warmer weather. The road is calling. The lake is calling. The mountains have been calling. Sharing those with people I connect with has always felt good. 

I think the 'right' people understand the struggle. My friends are all pretty patient with me. I will crawl back out of my shell eventually. Then at some point in the distant future I will crawl back into it. I just hope that I continue to meet great people and share in meaningful experiences along the way. 

It feels nice when that happens.