The Frustration of the Grind

 I have felt a bit stuck since mid- December. I really felt like getting through Christmas and starting the New Year would shake that feeling. It did not. I was surprised to find myself feeling just a stuck as 2022 began. I was even more surprised to figure out that a big part of the reason I felt stuck was Final Fantasy V. 

I have been working my way through replaying the Final Fantasy series since the launch of the Pixel Remaster last August. I finished the first game in about a week. I spent a little more time on FF2 because I did not feel like I ever really invested time and energy into it. FFIII got a few weeks of my time. FFIV, one of my favorites of the series, felt very dumbed down and short with the Pixel Remaster. I finished FFIV in less than 25 hours of gameplay. Maybe that was the start of my disappointment. I have rationalized this feeling away quite a bit. At minimum my September 2021 replay of FFIV was my 6th or 7th run through the game since the original release. It might be considerably more than that. 

I need to put this in perspective. Dwight and I played the original game through twice when he got it for Christmas on the original SNES release (when it was titled Final Fantasy II in the U.S.) Our first run was for story. Eventually, one of us got the strategy guide and we made a second run, if my memory serves, to collect everything in the game. I feel like there was probably another play through after we finished the SNES version of VI, but since I don't have a strong feeling let's call it two plays on the SNES. 

I believe the next time I would play FFIV was when it released as a part of Final Fantasy Anthology on the PSone. I remember vividly running through Origins (which is the first time I played FFII) and being frustrated that there was not a way to play FFIII before starting FFIV. At that time, FFIII had not been released in english. This hurt was blunted significantly by the fact that the other disc that came with Final Fantasy Anthology was Final Fantasy V. It was the first time I had seen an english language release of the game and I was ready to see more of the FF series. 

I would purchase Gameboy Advance and eventually Nintendo DS versions of IV playing through one of my favorites with each release. I eventually decided that buying a version from the Playstation store which I could play on subsequent generations of both the portable and console versions of the system made sense. I didn't know that Sony would betray me with the PS4 souring my Sony console love forever by making the huge digital library of games I had purchased during the Vita/ PS3 generation unplayable on PS4. That move pushed me toward the Nintendo Switch and PC gaming. 

Seven or Eight plays of FFIV sounds right from all of that. It also probably says I have only played FFV through once. It is a solid entry in the franchise. Although, I will say it feels a bit silly or whimsical compared with FFIV and FFVI which have long been my favorite in the pixelated series. Still, when FFV finally released November 10, 2021 I was ready to play. I needed a break from Castle Crashers which I was grinding through again while pedaling my exercise bike. 

I badly botched my second playthrough of FFV. I leveled the classes I enjoyed and what seemed powerful at the time. Even my typical grinding rules did not leave me prepared to face ExDeath at the end of the game. After breaking down and reading up on what I needed to do to be ready for him, I resigned myself to restarting the game. Each job selection mattered. I needed to master quite a few more jobs earlier in the game and be prepared to show up with a set of Mimic based characters to the final showdown. 

I kept my old save files, started a new game, and was enjoying replaying the game. I figured out quite a few grinding tricks and opportunities to power level my characters while maximizing gil along the way. I even believed, incorrectly, that I was going to be able to unlock and utilize Blue Magic properly this play through. All of this hinged on grabbing control of Azulmagia in the N-Zone and having him blast my party with all the different skills of a Blue Mage. WRONG! You cannot control Azulmagia. 

With 50 hours reinvested in the 3rd play through I decided I did not care that much about having all of the Blue Mage skills. I had been casually working my way through FFV going on two months and my enjoyment was starting to wear thin. I wanted to be done with the game. I didn't care so much about killing ShinRyu or the Omega weapon anymore either. FFV's ending, which I still do not recall from my first play through, became this check box I really wanted to check. 

I got it done on Saturday. I even sat through the nearly half hour of credits and after ending scenes. Completing the main story of FFV really did feel like a relief. I think I had quit enjoying the game 20 or so hours ago and it had become a chore. That defeats the purpose of playing a video game in my mind. 

The interesting part is that this lands me in a sort of gaming dead zone for my Final Fantasy replays. That is likely a very good thing. I need a palate cleanser game or two. With Final Fantasy VI Pixel Remaster not out until next month I have time to take a break, play a different type of game for a bit, and build my anticipation for FFVI which, historically, has been one of my favorites of the series. 

After I finish FFVIPR, I already have the line up of (the original) FFVII, FFVIII remastered, FFIX, FFX, FFX-2, FFXII Zodiac Age, the trilogy of FFXIII games, and FFXV. If I am not completely sick of Final Fantasy by the time I finish those I will play Final Fantasy Type Zero followed by Final Fantasy VII Remake Intergrade and, if it is out for PC, Final Fantasy Origins: Stranger of Paradise. This is a very ambitious plan for playing a metric ton of games. I am hoping the Steam Deck will release and add some agility and portability beyond me lugging around the gaming laptop or my Surface with me. Not to say either of these is a huge burden. 

It feels like the frustration I was feeling about FFV is an echo of quite a few other things. I have been battling a gross cold since the week before Christmas and am finally starting to feel healthy again. I have gotten in regular exercise every day of this year, but I haven't felt up to putting in the effort I was before I came down sick. Even if I am making progress with my fitness and weight loss, it isn't happening as quickly as I would like. 

In order to advance my fitness goals I have started really learning about body weight exercises. I have a lot of body weight. It seems very zen to use my body against itself to grow stronger and more fit. It also saves me investing in a gym membership or more exercise equipment. It all feels interesting and exciting if a bit intimidating. Who knew hip lifts could be painful?

I have also been investing energy in learning more about good nutrition. It feels like this was a real missed opportunity for the education system when I was growing up. Yes, it should have been obvious to me that soda and Little Debbie cakes were not part of a balanced diet. Still, I don't quite understand if I should or should not be eating eggs for breakfast. Are they bad because of cholesterol or do they have good cholesterol? I did enjoy learning that carbohydrates are necessary for proper cognitive function. As much as I want to be fit and healthy, I want my brain to function at peak efficiency throughout my life. I am rather fond of thinking after all. It certainly explains why trying to go carb free did not make me feel very good. 

Learning is great, really. I just want to be applying it all. I want to start seeing the benefits to my body beyond more slim calves and ankles. I'd like that progress to reach my thighs and love handles and beyond. I know it will. The wait is just adding to that sense of frustration. 

Nothing worth doing is easy. I just have to apply the tenacity to stay the course even as things aren't interesting. I suppose if I can handle over 100 hours of grinding on FFV I have that. I have some great games ahead of me in the FF series. I also have some great times ahead of me with my fitness. It will all come in time and effort. 

In the meantime, lets try out The Witcher games.