Behavioral Modifications: Week Three

 The human brain is an interesting thing. I cannot say for sure that these habits that I am trying to craft for myself are actually working or if I am just adhering to a system I have created through intentional practice. I can say for sure that I have written, drawn, and exercised daily since I started this up. I also am partially dissatisfied with my current measurement criteria. 

I still find myself leaning into preferred activities. I am more comfortable pulling out a pencil and piece of paper to draw rather than switching on my Surface and grabbing my Surface Pen. I am more comfortable with sketching something with pencil, inking my final sketch with a fine line marker, and then coloring with a marker. I am getting tons of practice drawing though and for now that is what matters. 

I still have an easier time blogging than working on the narrative of a novel. I am avoiding my outline actively at this point. I finally just surrendered to that impulse. If I really wanted to be a novelist I would be more focused on crafting a novel. I have filled my daily writing criteria with blog posts, writing for a role playing game campaign, and another project which I am nearly as uncomfortable developing as I am writing that novel I keep putting off. 

Most of all, I am much more comfortable on the exercise bike than I am the treadmill. I am more comfortable getting exercise in the house than I am going out and seeking a trail to walk on or *shudder* going back to the gym. I would rather cut paths to walk around the property than I would do anything out in the world. 

I do not feel the least bit bad about any of those preferences. I can say that I am getting daily exercise even if my Samsung Health App reminds me that I am not getting 10,000 steps a day. I would rather get those hours than no hours. I think it is better to continue to practice than to give up. I am proud of the effort even if I cannot see measurable results as of yet. 

Here are the results I do know:

My narrative voice is back to being on demand. I have banished the idea that I have to be inspired to write something. I sit down to the keys. I pull up what I want to work on. The words flow. In fact, they flow enough that I write past my one hour requirement almost every day even when I am busy and have other things that needs doing. 

I am putting in more miles on the exercise bike in the same amount of time. I have doubled the resistance from the bike. In the first week my personal best was 12.4 miles with no resistance on the pedals. Week three I managed 13.4 miles in the same time with 4 times more resistance. An extra mile while doing significantly more work feels good. I don't know how significantly significant the feeling is. 

The passion for drawing may be dwindling a little bit. While my work doesn't quite feel mechanical just yet, nor am I just going through the motions, there is a sense of aimlessness. I alleviated that somewhat by purchasing a how to draw classic disney characters book. The first chapter is all about Alice in Wonderland. 

A funny thing happened when I started working through the Disney book. My first drawing was of Alice. I followed the templates in the book for drawing the character. My pencils ended up pretty solid. I felt good enough about them that I decided to do Alice again the next day to try out inking and coloring her. My second attempt I followed the templates and botched Alice's torso length. I still inked her and posted her online. 

What I learned about myself is I am not a methodical artist. I am a recreationist. I typical just reproduce a work looking at someone else's finished design without knowing how they crafted the character. I was sorely tempted to look at the finished Alice and crank out a near perfect replica through what I already know how to do. That would be comfortable. 

Which was when the light came on. I know that growth happens when you are a little uncomfortable. To improve it something you need to be working just a little bit beyond your current skill level. I spent the rest of the week contemplating this and doing comfortable work not of the Disney variety. No matter how good the sketch was or even how much I deviated from the original work I was referencing my heart was not in the art. 

I know the truth. I want to improve my skills in the very uncomfortable way of learning how to create an original composition. Banging out drawing after drawing the old way may improve my muscle control and I can learn to produce images, but I don't know how to make them from scratch out of my head. I can call myself an artist. Identity is important, but I want to learn how to be a completely original artist.

To learn I need to study. I need to practice. I need to be uncomfortable. 

That works for the exercise too. I am pedaling harder. I am trying to go faster to reach more distance. When I first started panting on the exercise bike accompanied by a nice sweat, I assumed I was getting winded because of the cold that has been working out of my system. I was wrong. My effort has increased. I have mentally started pushing myself past what I could handle before. I am seeking out discomfort so that I will grow. 

I am committed enough to the concept that I ordered something that has not been in my house in quite a while. I ordered my own scale. I cringed as I ordered it. I was a little mad at myself for using exercise reward budget to pay for it. Truth is, I want a scale. I am terrified of what that first number is going to show. 

I may be three weeks closer to in shape than I have been in a couple of years, but I am starting at my lowest point. I cannot keep staying scared of how bad I let things get. I have to know what I am starting from so that I can set myself some attainable goals and keep myself in that uncomfortable growth range. 

None of this has been easy. It was hard to get on that exercise bike sneezing and coughing my head off. I much rather would have gotten an extra hour of rest on a few of those days. I may even have phoned in the writing effort a time or two by writing up something that I don't really intend to ever use. Today, I sketched a cartoon version of my own face which should NEVER see the light of day and is far from my best work. Is it my best work? No. Does it count? Absolutely. 

Last week I spent seven hours, eight minutes, and 40 seconds exercising which I tracked on my phone. I burned 8,638 calories. I also traveled 85 miles without ever leaving the comfort of my office. I think that officially makes me a hamster on a wheel. 

 I know I spent another few hours trying out exercise programs on the Oculus Quest 2. I have been disappointed with most of it except Beat Saber. It may not count as exercise but I am a disgustedly good shot with a pistol in Gun Club VR. I was very into the game until I tried out a shotgun in game. The pistol felt pretty darn nice if not like a real gun. Running a pump action shotgun just felt silly. Given my .410 pump was next to me in my office I am probably spoiled by real world experience. The best thing I have done with the VR headset is watch Netflix on a big virtual screen. I am sure there is more worth doing, but I have not found it yet. 

I take that back. Bigscreen is great. It is quite pleasant being able to peck out the end of this post on a giant virtual screen. I have to admit that my plan for a theater experience for the family may eventually leave a large screen and surround sound and instead go to a few comfy recliners and VR sets. 

Overall, my initial forays into VR do not leave me feeling super confident that I am going to get deep into it. I don't completely regret the money I spent on it... yet. I would rather be practicing with a bow and saving up to try VR rather than the way I want about it. Oh well, a good deal is a good deal. 

Anyway, I am pretty proud of my consistency on these habit building behaviors. Last week was good. This week has been better. If that keeps up I will drop weight and be pretty pleased with myself. 

I can do this.